Happy Mother’s Day… I Love You… I Miss You…

It’s been five year since my mother returned to God but there isn’t a day that goes by without me missing her. Since my father died when I was 15 my mother single handedly raised me. Strength, patience, concern and warmth that was mum.

We argued, we fought, we had difference of opinions, we loved, we laughed, we talked, we shouted but there was always love and respect which went both ways. When she was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer words could not express the devastation I felt. But mum remained a rock through it all still extending the strength and love that buoyed us through the ups and downs of life.

This is written to remind those with mothers that no matter what is said and done it is done with love. Nothing can replace this love as it is unconditional. Love her and tell her how you feel, never take her for granted…..

No matter how I try, I cannot help but feel sorry for myself for I’m the one that has lost…. If I could be half of what my mother was I would have achieved something in life.

In Memory of Ethel Margaret Peacock
28th. September, 1925 – 19th. March, 2005

I Love You, Mum
Uffa XOXO


Peace, Love and Respect,
Jenn

Goodbye to a Friend

Writing is therapy…. Blogging is good for your soul… that’s what I’ve been told. If it is so, today I want to be selfish and be strong for myself.

In my life funerals have been a negative feeling that I’ve always avoided. My father and mother funerals’ where the ones, I of course, had to see all the way. Yes, death is evitable for us all. Yes, everyone goes to a better place. Yes, God loves us all…. yet for those left behind parting is such sweet sorrow.


Koi (Mohd. Shukor Tahir) was in my Malaysian Idol 1 team of 2004. Being Saggitarians with a joy for life we bonded almost instantly… and because I used to lecture everyone, he called me mother (I have many titles in different circles – sifu, cikgu, mother, jtho). Through the years that title stuck with him and we became firm friends. Not acquaintances, not business associates, not mentor and protégé but friends. We shared the same likes/dislikes, we share the same sense of humor…. I treated him like my son and he treated me like a mother.

And though we haven’t really known each other for very long I always knew that Koi was constantly looking for acceptance from other people and peace within himself…. which I know he had with me... which I know he had with my team. Thoughtful, considerate, fun loving, opinionated, never forgot birthdays and a roving soul. That was Koi.

Perhaps it was because I feel that it was too soon, perhaps it’s because there were so many things left unsaid, perhaps it was too sudden. But the reality is, he’s gone and we are all left to grieve our loss and trying to come to terms with what has happened.

Sayu terpisah
Hikayat indah kini hanya tinggal sejarah
Berhembus angin rindu
Begitu nyamannya terhidu wangian kasihmu


Hujan lebat mencurah kini
Bagaikan tiada hentikaulah
Laguku kau irama terindah
Tak lagi kudengari

Kau pergi.. pergi..

Once again life has humbled me and taught me something new, a feeling of losing someone that shouldn’t be gone before me, that has so much life to live. But the choice is not our… it never is.

Goodbye my friend… I won’t look back now… I’m going to close the door but I’ll NEVER forget… and when the time comes I WILL remember….

Peace, Love and Respect forever,
Jenn

26 years and Counting

After months of not updating my biodata I decided to pull it out and add what I had done last year and the beginning of this year. After all I’ve been nagging the rest of the team to do it so yeah, a poor attempt at leadership by example (Grin). I make sure that everyone in showbusiness does this because after a while (2,000 shows later) you cannot remember what you did where and who did what. This is the only testament to your work (apart from pictures which I NEVER have time to take when I’m working) that you can ever have.

This is when I realize this is my 26th. year in the business and what a ride it’s been. I’ve met so many people, done so many things and learnt so much over this time (and still continue to do so). And have watched 3 generations of Artistes and musicians pass… it really is amazing.

The story is always the same…. talent and unrelenting passion, …. From Sharifah Aini, Alleycats, Alphonso Soliano to Sudirman, Khadijah, Mike Bernie, Freddie Fernandez to Search, Lefthanded, Ramli MS, Aziz Bakar to Ella, Ziana to Sheila Majid, Siti Nurhaliza, Mac Chew, to Innuendo, Raihan, Tony Fernandes, Ahmad Izham Omar to Meet Uncle Hussain, Hujan, Bunkface. The list is endless and always inspiring.

I have served them all without fear or favour because of their talent, because of their passion… when you work around it, it drives you and makes you want to do your best. I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Recently I was given the chance, yet again, to do something different. It was indeed an honour to be chosen to work on the “Konsert Satu Suara” project in Istana Budaya, working together with the next generation of talent, Aizat and Faizal Tahir. This is a new era of talent who are not only singers and performers but composers and musicians in their own right. I can only say one word… supercalifragilisticexpialidocious!

They both have a very different styles but share the same passion, the same hope.

With the added pressure of working with Istana Budaya… the show was by no means perfect but we all knew the expectations and whatever it is everyone gave their best… that sometimes is the most important thing. We are all not perfect, we are all still learning…

On the last day the end of the show … I gave everyone, especially Aizat, sorry :), and myself a shock…. I cried, big time… that was how much pressure I felt doing the show… that’s how perfect you want the outcome to be… that’s how much it matters… even after 26 years, even after 2,000 shows….

That’s why I say sometimes people don’t understand the type of pressures the Artistes, Musicians and Production Crew go through. They may have had a personal crisis, they may not feel well but no matter what when the curtain goes up the show MUST go on….. and thru the 26 years I’ve seen it all… After all we only get one gratification… the applause of the audience and the happy faces that go home after the show… NOTHING else matters.


The Show must go on! I'll face it with a grin! I'm never giving in! On with the show!

Peace, Love and Respect always,
Jenn

Square Pegs, Round Holes….

“Nothing great in the world has been accomplished without passion.”

When talking to friends I always hear complaints about people they work with that do not complete work properly, do not go the distance, do not care. It got me thinking that I am lucky to be doing something that I AM passionate about, I BELIEVE in. I am also passionate about my photography and diving. I back a football team that I support with a passion.

Because I am passionate about what I do therefore I will probably ACHIEVE more than a person who doesn’t care.

I’m not saying that I didn’t have to try something to find out if I liked it or not. I tried marketing but found out that music was my passion. I tried sky diving but figured out that scuba diving was my passion. Passion and purpose go hand in hand. When you discover your PURPOSE, you will normally find it’s something you’re tremendously passionate about.

Recognizing what you love is NOT enough. It isn’t passion without commitment, without intimacy, without self-giving… that is why passion is that one step further.

In Malaysia we grow a culture of square pegs in round holes and inevitably the “tidak apa la / chin chai lor“ attitude. People doing things they really don’t WANT to be doing but rather NEED to be doing. Sometimes pushed by the necessity to survive, sometimes pushed by others, sometimes just being unfocused. But they live with complacency and have a tendency to accept things…no reaction, no questions asked, no reasons given… I find a strong lack of passion missing in Malaysians in general…. the want to do more, the need to make a difference, the pride of place.

We should constantly need to..... want to strive for better, reach higher, achieve more but this is impossible without passion. We need that fire that comes from inside to propel us to accomplish things that we only dream about.

I'm not talking about just work I'm talking about everything we do in our lives.... work, love, life should be passionate...

“If there is no passion in your life, then have you really lived? Find your passion, whatever it may be. Become it, and let it become you and you will find great things happen FOR you, TO you and BECAUSE of you.”

For everyone my wish for you is that you find your passion…..

Peace, Love and Respect,
Jenn

Of Flashing Lights and Sirens...

This is a subject close to my heart. My office is near Hospital Besar Kuala Lumpur so seeing ambulances with sirens blaring is a normal occurrence. Also because it is near the Mahameru highway and the Tun Razak flyover traffic jams are also a normal thing.

Now if you see an ambulance hurriedly coming down the road, sirens blaring what should you do :

a) Step on the accelerator. The ambulance will NEVER catch up with you;

b) Wait for the ambulance to pass and then step on the accelerator and follow it down the road it’ll help you get to your destination faster;

c) Just drive normally it’ll avoid you and after all, even if it passes you, it can’t go anywhere it's already jam;

d) “Aiya! Bet the ambulance driver is rushing to eat lunch!! Who cares you think you’re the only one that hasn’t eaten ah?”

ALL OF THE ABOVE is what most Malaysian drivers do.

Now put yourself in the ambulance. You have a family member that’s dying and in need of immediate hospital care, then you understand why you need to yield and get out of the way. In situations like this time is of the essence. I’ve been there with my father who had suffered a stroke, his heart had stopped and he was turning blue. The sense of helplessness is alarming. You can only but pray and hope that traffic moves faster.

My father survived the ordeal but I learnt and invaluable lesson which I hope to pass on to anyone reading this. PLEASE when you see an ambulance approaching get out of the way move over, let the ambulance through…. Someone’s life may depend on it.

Thank you. Peace, Love and Respect,

Jenn

There goes the last of the good men. Tiger Woods has had an affair *gasp* and *shock horror*. What has the world come too. Is life full of escape, backspace and undo buttons?

I don’t want to go on a rant but I find guys stop maturing at fifteen and they always think with their d*@ks. Emotionally guys are the weaker sex. Never satisfied with what they have. When the girlfriend/wife tries to communicate you either get -
a) The Silent treatment;
b) Code Red : All systems shut down (sleep); or
c) I’m going to turn to another woman who understands me.
And if they have had enough time to think about it the whole issue becomes your fault or problem, “You drove me to do it!”. …ESCAPE button….

Don’t get me wrong. I LOVE men. They are adorable, helpless, charming (when they want to be) but sometimes they can be downright self absorbing, selfish, pompous. Sometimes I think the woman is at fault. In the beginning of relationships they bend over backwards to please, give up part of their life, pamper the man…. then when the focus turns over to the kids (who need attention 25 hours a day) or work, the man feels he’s lost the attention of the woman. You can’t win…. BACKSPACE key…

The problem with relationships is that you are NEVER sure of the other person. You’re always questioning, “Do they love me!”. You can only be sure of how YOU feel. Women ask this 200 times of their men. Not because they don’t trust you but it’s because they want to hear you say it, stoopid!! But then again 200 times is a biiiiiit much. Moral of the story - Everyone needs to remember people aren’t mind readers, sometimes you need to show how you feel. There is NO harm in once in a while showing affection, showing appreciation… people constantly crave response…

We are always tested in life. When you have a relationship/marry someone they are not perfect and neither are you. Then comes along someone who has that missing component that you miss and the more you see it the more you miss it…. Then if your relationship is not strong you begin to find fault in the person you’re with and you find every possible excuse to call it quits. Yes, unfortunately, that has become the ‘name of the game’…. UNDO button

Before people worked harder at their relationships perhaps because they were not under so much pressure to perform at work AND constant communication (mobile phone, internet, etc.). Priorities in life have changed so much. Sad but true…

Love is simple and uncomplicated. We expect too much from each other. The support should be equal, the responsibility should be equal and the respect should be equal. No one is lesser than the other…. No one loves the other more….

Yeah… one day my prince will come…..

Peace, love and respect,
Jenn

YOU-nique

It’s been a hard month so we took a break to Bangkok (13-15th. November, 2009) … and it was a great trip. Good company, Good shopping (not enough money :)) all in all a hilarious time. Life should be like this… work hard, play hard. Then you get a balance.

Then straight into the Islamic Fashion Festival (23 – 25th. November, 2009). This show is interesting, different and should be given international recognition as it is truly away for people to see that you can be fully covered yet chic, dress elegantly or even have style with panache. And although it’s grueling, sometimes you just feel like dying but enjoy working like this. I got to work with Dato’ Mahadzir Lokman and Dato’ Yasmin Yussoff after a long time, both professionals at what they do and we have yet to find emcees that can take their place for protocol events such as these.

(Picture courtesy of : Nadiah Ramli my talented photographer daughter)

Nadiah came by to get more shooting experience which is good for her but unfortunately felt rather sick on the morning of the second day so she went to see our trusty family doctor (Dr. Shanta Oomen) and went home to sleep it off. Nowadays you just can’t take risks when you don’t feel well… GO TO THE DOCTOR!!

After the last show Jay and Jue tried to get me to go to dinner before waiting for the post mortem meeting but I decided not too and whilst waiting for two hours kept on getting sms’es asking me about food. Yes, I was hungry… but NO I was not going back before the meeting. Only to find that in the hotel room were Koi, Itcha, Jue and Jay… food and a present (for my birthday). Hahaha.. so that’s why they tried to get me to eat sooner... Sorry guys trying to con a Saggitarian is like, impossible… they either read you and con you back or are completely oblivious to reading between the lines because they’re busy concentrating on something else!! But my heartfelt thanks and love to all of you.

(Picture was taken with my new Tamron 10-24 lens... ilike)

Yeah it’s been one hell of a November.. busy, fun, reflective and thankful.

After OD’ing over fashion and mixing with the beautiful people the whole month of November, it got me thinking. Everyone always wonders why they aren’t as good looking, why they aren’t as rich, why they aren’t so lucky… don’t wonder. Each and everyone of us is unique, each of us has a ability or combination of abilities, each of us has a weakness, each of us is beautiful in some way or another, each of us is ugly in some way or another…. Just like our fingerprints are unique so are we as individuals…… God IS Great!

When you want to feel sorry for yourself, wonder why life is treating you badly or wondering why you aren’t given chances… pick-up the newspaper and read any page. When you read about people losing homes in floods or fires, losing love ones to a tragedy, have no food to eat, are innocent victims of war, human greed and inhuman conditions… counting your blessing and give praise, if you think your life is bad… think again there is ALWAYS someone worse off than you.

P/S : I rescued a Zebra from the shelf in Parkson this month... What have YOU done?

Meet Stripe.... he is an efficient communicator. He can work a blackberry and send out e-mails via computer. He likes eating at chilis!!

Peace, Love and Respect,

Jenn

Don’t Run Away, Baby, It’s Only Life….

The last two months have gone by in a blur, no time to blog….

Let’s see. Hari Raya came and went but rather than spending it staring at four walls I decided this year I would do something about it. Not that I didn’t wish to celebrate Adil Fitri but I always believe the kids should go back to Singapore (their real kampung) and spend time with the family there, where there is the spirit of Raya. So I packed my bags and celebrated by diving in Manado (September 19 - 24, 2009)

And what a celebration of life. Manado is a gorgeous divesite on the northern tip of Sulaiwesi, a 4 hour flight from Kuala Lumpur. In pristine condition I would rate this the best wall diving I have seen. As if the joy of diving were not enough we were bestowed the luck of seeing a pod of dolphins one morning, a pod of pilot whales the next and to top it off a mother and baby sperm whale (a rare sighting which even the divemasters there were excited to see). Although all of them were close surface sightings it is an exhilarating feeling to have the chance to see these majestic animals in the wild.

Next came the challenge of the century…Gen’s Wedding (October 10, 2009). Weddings are scary. They are a once in a lifetime event for the couple and their families. And of course they want perfection because the event means so much to them. What more it was a garden wedding in the middle of rainy season. So the wedding planner has sleepless nights, cold sweat, butterflies flitting around in the stomach. 20 AIMs would be easier than this. I guess a number of us prayed hard enough and the wedding was a success… Thank you GOD. So maybe it’s not as bad a 20 AIMs after all.

After that it was the final diving trip of the season (October 19-21, 2009) with Acis, Sheila, Shah, Intan and Siti. It was my first time leading a trip out but it was fun. Company was good, Daniel of Sealantis proved to be a great guide and storyteller; and Abbas is the best boatman ever. I’ve always enjoyed Tioman, it feels like home. Although this year the visibility has been dismal this trip was the best viz I had seen all year and although I have been countless times to these divesite they still provided excitement and wonder. Labas and all it’s swin throughs, Tiger Reef is gorgeous when the current isn’t ripping and Batu Malang is always a beautiful sight/site. Yes, diving is definitely my second calling!

Back to life, back to reality. Just when you think you’ve done it all, you really haven’t. The Malaysian International Fashion Week 2009 (November 4-8, 2009) provided non-stop action... first time doing 18 shows over 5 days, first time working a project with only Jay and Jue. At the beginning of the project it felt like a mountain to climb, with us standing at the foot and looking up at the summit. Tiring, testing, taxing but challenging and the euphoric feeling of achievement erases everything. I LOVE my work without a doubt.

(Picture courtesy of Nadiah Ramli, my extremely talented photographer daughter)

Life is ever changing, ever evolving. Over the last six months a road that I thought was going to end has proved that it has a continuation and a new journey. That has been given to me by the new team, a new breath of life; as much as they turn to me for guidance I have learnt that teaching people means teaching yourself. They push me to challenge my ability and myself once again.

Yes life is putting the pedal to the metal and living it to the maximum, passionately whether it be work or play, then only you can say you’ve lived.

Peace, Love and Respect,

Jenn